Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
