when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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