thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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