I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
