my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
