Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
