i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
