SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
