Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think I just sharted jello shots
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
