I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
