I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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