i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
