Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
