...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
