so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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