It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
