Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
