Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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