totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
