you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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