Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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