Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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