he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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