Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize