How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Even my vagina gasped.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
