my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
