I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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