Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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