but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
