he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
