so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
