Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize