Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
