The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
