in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
