Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
