Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
