Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
