She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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