She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
