Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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