She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
