i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
