My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize