I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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