I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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