no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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