I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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