i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dicks are not precious.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
