xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
