you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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