I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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