wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
