At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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