My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
