We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
