i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
