Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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