i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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