Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
