i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
