So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
