last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
