So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
