i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
