Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
